Weaning Part 1

I always knew I was going to breastfeed my baby. I was really looking forward to it. I went to a class on breastfeeding and I did research and I was armed with resources to find the solution to any obstacles in our way. When Zoe was put on my chest after only 7 hours of labour (see: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea), I eagerly anticipated the breast crawl. She found her way to the right place and latched within minutes. I was so proud. It felt like the right thing.

As excited as I was to breastfeed, I knew that in some cases, it was impossible. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not, but I was a firm believer that regardless of how you feed your baby, the important thing is that both the mother and baby are thriving. I am now surprised by the amount of grief and disappointment I feel at this juncture where five and a half months in I have to give up the activity and bond I was looking forward to participating in for the next 2+ years. Zoe will be fed. We will still be bonded. She will grow and be happy.

I was amazed at how my body handled pregnancy. It did everything for me, and I'm glad because I certainly didn't know what I was doing. I was just along for the ride. With breastfeeding, I felt like I had assurance that my baby was getting what she needed. I didn't need to think too much about what was in it, how it was made, how much she was getting, or even when she was getting it. I just relied on my body and her cues and she grew (fast).

I don't know which part of formula feeding terrifies me the most. There's the what/when/how much. There's the close bond I'm afraid of losing. There's the inconvenience. There's the diapers (BUGH). To be sure, I am very glad we have formulas and that feeding our babies can happen in many ways. But I honestly never saw a scenario in which I wouldn't be able to breastfeed to a year. Whether optimism or ignorance, I didn't even know how to make a bottle of formula.

I don't even have a definitive diagnosis yet, but the arthritis that has meant I have barely left the house since November is spreading and regardless of the type (probably Rheumatoid), it's now time for drugs stronger than my naturopath can give me. It is a hard decision to make to stop breastfeeding my baby. I love it and it gives me so much happiness. It gives her such good immunities and nutrition. But at some point Zoe is going to need a mom who can get up off a chair and chase after her way more than she'll care about a boob. If I decided to let myself chance having the disease spread to more joints (already in my knees, ankles, feet, left wrist, elbow, and shoulder) just so I can breastfeed, that decision would be way more for me than her. And I'd still be in pain every day and night. I had respect for mamas who have had to make tough decisions with regards to feeding their babies. Reading Mary's blog post on formula feeding made me cry. It was the first time I really saw the pain that people go through to try to do what they think is best for their babies. I was all for breastfeeding or formula feeding as a united front because it all means babies are able to grow and be babies! But now I know how it feels to have to choose.

It feels shitty.

But there are some things about formula feeding that I'm looking forward to:

1. I've tried a brand that my naturopath and I feel good about and Zoe seems to love it.

2. Other people can feed my baby without me having to *&^%$$%^ pump. Eff that.

2.1 I CAN GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND BE A PERSON!! (hormones permitting. Dang those pesky things are good at their job with the nurturing thing)

3. Getting my boobs back.

4. Wearing a bra. No easy access hooks either.

5. Feeling like I can be sure she gets enough towards the end of the day

I look forward to getting healthy again so that I can enjoy life outside the house with my little girl. We live in such an awesome place and I want to show her everything! Plus, get some use out of my ROM membership. Hard to go to a museum when you can't stand for any length of time.

Confidence

I've thought for a long time that I'm a confident person. I guess I've also had a pretty narrow view of the scope of confidence that includes. Lately it has come to my attention that many areas of your life can benefit from having confidence.

I've been struggling with a knee injury that has sort of spread all over my body, basically due to bad posture caused by that injury. I've seen a doctor and a naturopath and had acupuncture and have a specialist appointment scheduled with a rheumatologist. This is going on 3 months now of an injury that is most definitely affecting my life and what I choose to do.

Today I went to see a Chiropractor who is also an Osteopath - basically, this guy just really knows the body. He gave me some exercises and corrections and told me to try these out, but mostly to have confidence in my body and my movements. He said that when people have been in pain, they adapt by compensating with their movements and they lose confidence in that area of their body. This makes us susceptible to more injuries. I left that appointment feeling empowered and with a renewed sense of optimism. I need to have confidence that my movements are not making the problem worse, but are in fact slowly healing my injuries.

This brings me to the other area of life that I am lacking confidence in - baby sleep habits. I know that Zoe has pretty good sleep. I feel confident in the way we are caring after her in a pretty attachment parenting manner. But I want to give her and us the gift of sleeping by herself. She is still pretty much nursed or bounced or jiggled to sleep. At 5 months, we're starting to get to the point where she needs some practice self-soothing and being able to fall asleep by herself. In no way am I wanting to sleep train her or let her cry it out, but I think the key to having her fall asleep without an adult is to consistently do something. I'm not sure what I want to do yet though. I like having the flexibility of her current nap routine, which is to generally fall asleep in the carrier or her stroller as we're going about our day, but I think nap time is a good time to start giving her a routine that she can get used to. In the evenings I am too tired to follow through with anything consistent. I'm more of in the camp of "fall asleep anywhere, just please fall asleep and let me get some time by myself before MY bed time!". I know that a consistent routine of putting her in the crib and constantly going back to comfort her is not going to happen. So maybe if I have confidence in my ability to be consistent and set a pattern around one of her naps that would be a good place to start.

Mom time

Before Zoe came into my life almost 5 months ago, I had time to myself

every. single. day.

Now that my full time job is mommy, it's been harder than I imagined to get time for myself. There's a combination of not having time or energy for myself and of not making the time available when I do have energy. It takes effort to carve out time when the baby isn't physically attached to me, and usually I use that time to cook or clean. It has definitely gotten easier to have that time as Zoe gets older, but she's not at the point where she has long predicable (or as predictable as a baby can be) naps or can play by herself for more than 5 minutes. This means that I need to consciously make the time to give her to my husband or ask a friend or family member for a break.

The problem is that as soon as I give her to someone else, I want to hang around! What is up with that? I can go hours wishing for some time to stop worrying about her, but as soon as I can, I want to hang out with her and whoever she's with.

And then there's breastfeeding. I'm the one who gets to feed her. I love breastfeeding, but it does mean that for the last 5 months I haven't gone much more than 3 hours without having that bonding time. I've never been that committed to something in my life! Well, maybe coffee in university... Even if I wanted to get help at night, anyone trying to give her a bottle and then get her back to sleep would just mean that she's up for longer and I wake up anyway. Why even bother my husband? He can't get back to sleep like I can.

Maybe I've redefined what time for myself means. Maybe time to watch my baby interacting with someone she loves and trusts is the new watching a movie. I don't want to make my whole life revolve around my child because she is not mine, she belongs to herself. She won't always need me, which I guess is the goal of parenting. It's okay to forget my personal and professional goals right now and give my baby 100% of my attention - she won't be a baby for a very long time and I'm not planning on having any others. This year of my life is most definitely the hardest but probably the most amazing as I watch my daughter learn new things every day.

Zoe's birth was also the beginning of the rest of my life as a mom. And I sure as hell don't know a lot about parenting. I don't know how to balance being a mom and a person. I don't know what my parenting style is or how I discipline. I just know that I have to take this thing day by day and find the good in every day. And today I got some time to think for myself by writing this, so that's a win :)

Nursing Necklace

Now that baby is almost 5 months old, she has very wander-y hands while she's nursing. In an effort to spare myself from her tiny razor claws, I decided it was time to get myself a nursing/teething necklace.

 

I wanted something as natural as I could get, so I went with a natural maple finished with organic beeswax and jojoba oil. It does feel a bit dry though, so I think I'll coat it with some coconut oil. It looks simple and nice and hangs out just where little hands can find it.

 

There were some at the store that I went to that were wooden beads without the teething ring, but little miss chomper loves to bite on things and I wanted to have the ring available. I also like the look of the ones with a ring and beads together, but maybe I'll find one of those in the future.

They look really simple to make, but I don't know where to find safe materials, nor am I really willing to put in the effort at this point to find them. I think the silicon ones in bright colours look awesome but every time I spend money on a retail item (ie. not handed down or thrifted), I want to go as checmical-free as possible. She will inevitably put loads of toxins into her mouth just by experiencing our world, so I just like to feel that I'm contributing to her safety. For all I know the pretty bright silicon ones are just fine, but my knowledge of their creation vs. wood is low. I know how a tree grows.

Overall I am very happy having bought this necklace and even the baby seems to love it.

Green Mama: Reusable Breast Pads

When I was pregnant, I thought a lot about my breasts leaking once I was breastfeeding. I bought a few kinds of reuseable breast pads to try out and honestly, after a few weeks I wasn't using them anymore. It did take me past the 6 week mark for my body to make the right amount of milk (I was an over-producer), and as such, leaky breasts were part of my life. At night the engorgement was so bad that I couldn't use reuseable pads or else I would have sopping wet cloth next to my skin. For a while I had to use disposable pads. Then, as my supply started to regulate itself, I switched to just using a breast pad when I was nursing to account for the let down.

Now I have a bunch of pads, some round, some heart shaped (I don't know why), around my house that I find in weird places. They do make good coasters though.

One thing I learned is that I hate the kind with the really soft fuzzy lining. That shit sticks to my nipples once they get wet! Ouch.

Product Review: AppleCheeks Diapers

Update: my daughter is now 3 months and about 17 pounds. We switched to size 2 diapers a few weeks ago after experiencing leaks with size 1 as a rise issue and there have been no leaks since.

I tried a handful of diaper combos out and my favourite for this girl has definitely been AppleCheeks. They don't leak and come clean when I wash them. I use the 2 ply bamboo inserts along with the purple stay-dry bamboo booster. I use Nature Clean All Purpose Cleaning Lotion to wash them in. I do a cold rinse, followed by a hot wash with a tiny bit of soap, followed by another cold rinse.

I actually only have 4 covers right now and probably around 12 inserts. This works out perfectly because I wash every other day (this is just when my small washer happens to have the right amount of diapers in it). So I use only about 2 covers every day and change the inserts. I do not use cloth at night because 7th Generation disposables just work better for us than having the hassle of changing baby in the middle of the night.

My daughter has never had a diaper rash (knock on wood) and we've never used any creams or powders on her. I love using cloth diapers, but as I like to travel light, I don't use them when I'm out and about. I just let her wear the cloth diaper she has on and bring disposables for if she needs a change.

I am absolutely loving the fact that AppleCheeks has been doing all of this work releasing special edition diapers and new colours. It adds an element of fun and fashion, not just butt covers.

 As a side note, if you buy these at Baby On The Hip in Leslieville with your Toronto Live Green card, you get 10% off and these diapers don't seem to go on sale. For convenience (but higher prices), well.ca is also carrying them now.

First Impressions: AppleCheeks Size 1 Diaper

Having a 9 day old baby means that just about everything is a first impression! This week we're starting to test out the waters with cloth diapering, now that mommy can move around a lot easier.

AppleCheeks is a pocket diaper (well, they call it "envelope" because their design is slightly different) that comes in two sizes. Size 1 fits 7-20 pounds and size 2 fits 18-40 pounds. I have a size 1 diaper and an approximately 9 pound baby.

I have the colour Lemon Zest, which I chose to match the colour of her poop. Also, it's bright and sunny which is nice to see. I didn't use it with an AppleCheeks bamboo insert, but instead used my Bummis cotton insert, which is bulkier. I think this is why I was pretty much on the largest setting, even though she's not close to 20 pounds. Even so, the fit was really nice because of the way the legs and waist are nice and elasticated. It's always funny to see a huge cloth diaper on a little baby.

I also used a Bummis (I think) bamboo liner which meant that as soon as I put the diaper on and she pooped, I was able to change the liner and keep wearing the rest of the diaper. That is super useful, as she loves to poop in a clean diaper!

This is a Canadian company that designs AND manufactures in Canada, which I really appreciate. They also give some of their proceeds to charity, though I'm not sure how much. Their diapers are on the expensive side at $20 for a cover, $10 for an insert, and $5 for a liner, but if you use liners you can get a few wears out of the same cover (and maybe even insert if you're fast enough) before washing. In their starter kit they give you 3 inserts for every cover, so I'm guessing you could use the cover around 3 times in a row.

I have some other brands to test out (Bummis, Bum Genius, GroVia, and FuzziBunz), but I can see myself buying more of these for sure!

Due Date

Today's my due date! I feel like I should get a cake or something, considering it's pretty clear this baby isn't going to show up.

Book Review: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

For those of you who don't know, Ina May Gaskin is considered one of the pioneers of midwifery in the United States (and really, North America). In a time when midwifery care was not the standard of practice in North America, she and her friends taught themselves to help women give birth naturally without (for the most part) obstetricians. The start of this movement comes from the fact that OBs are surgeons, and as such are not taught to attend normal births. Fast forward half a century and it was easy for me to find a midwife in Ontario for my pregnancy care. I never even had to speak to an OB, and it's covered by provincial healthcare. I feel very lucky to live with such choice.

Ina May wrote her first book called Spiritual Midwifery decades ago and has long since been an integral book for people learning about natural birth. The book I am reviewing, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth offers a two part book to prepare you for natural birth with the first part being positive birth stories as told by the women who experienced them and the second part being Ina May's overview of the birth process in America. I bought this book from iBooks for $20, which was well worth it in my opinion.

The first part helps you prepare mentally for childbirth by normalizing the birth process, especially for first time pregnancies. Birth in our culture is usually talked about in very generalized terms, like "It was a Tuesday and you were born late at night" or "The labour slowed and then the doctor gave me a c-section and you were born". People don't seem to feel comfortable talking to their daughters and friends about the specific processes that influence birth and labour or the interventions that were given with little discussion about the true implications of accepting them. Maybe it's because nearly everyone I've ever talked to in my circle of family and friends has had the standard hospital birth with epidurals and obstetricians and didn't know (at least at the time) that there could be another way. My grandmother recently asked me if I was going to give birth "cold turkey". She had all 4 of her kids with anaesthetic of some kind and doesn't seem to think there's a reason to go through it the way her mother had to. Ina May makes you believe that birth is normal and it's nothing a woman's body can't handle. Knowing that makes me feel empowered and capable. The book is set up with an entire section of these birth stories to make it easy for you to go back and read them when you're feeling overwhelmed.

The second part contains practical information like common medical interventions and what really happens to your body and baby when you use them. There's a good explanation of the chain of events that often lead to Cesarean section in hospitals, starting with medical induction. There are also honest explanations of side effects to interventions that are not scientifically studied and are therefore not mentioned by an anaesthesiologist or obstetrician. For example, babies born to mothers that have received epidurals often have a lot harder time establishing breast feeding. Usually you are just told about the potential problems that could go wrong with the mother from that, such as the possibility of death or paralysis or having a headache that lasts for months. In this part she also talks about how to have a natural birth without a midwife, when you are stuck advocating for yourself. Things like how to let doctors know about your preferences and how to ask them questions about the practices they are suggesting.

This book was overall informative and empowering and I will need to remember to try to relax and think of those who have gone before me when it is time for me to be in labour (which should be any time now, come on baby!).

Neighbourhood Review: Rooster Coffee House

Let me just start by saying how lucky I feel to have such a perfect coffee shop sitting at my streetcar stop. Having just moved from Markham, it feels like heaven. Warden and 7 just doesn't have what I'm looking for.

Rooster Coffee (on King St. E, haven't visited the original yet) is the kind of place I just feel instantly at home in.

They have a variety of seating options, including a couple of couches. The way their seating is set up is in groups so that you can either sit with a bunch of people you know or a bunch of strangers. It's nice because it makes it so easy to say hi to someone new. It's the kind of place where I've seen people I went to school with (in Waterloo) and also my neighbours.

Their music is a collection of interesting tunes from a variety of decades and genres. The thing I like most about it is that it's not overly loud. I also have never heard anything that's currently on every radio station, which is a nice change.

Their snacks and pastries seem to be a collection from bakeries around the city and they are always fresh and so delicious. Sometimes it's important to remember that you don't need a cookie or brownie every day, even if it's the best brownie you've ever had. Ever.  As a side note, they are always willing and happy to serve you when you run into the store 5 minutes to closing to get desert.

They make excellent espresso and coffee. Obviously. But their summer drinks are very interesting. Their cold brew is a step above everyone else's. And definitely superior to my overnight fridge brew.

Raspberry Iced Tea and the Shakeretto

The raspberry iced tea is a magical drink that's distinctly iced tea mixed with raspberry lemonade. It's a perfect balance of sweet and tart. The straight shakeretto is a shot of espresso that's been sweetened and shaken over ice, martini-style. It makes you feel quite fancy as you stand there for your drink to be shaken.

There are other coffee shops in the neighbourhood, but since moving here 6 weeks ago, this just seems to be the place where we always end up.

39 Weeks Pregnant

Why am I still pregnant? Every day has felt like a lifetime for the last few weeks. It hurts to move, it hurts to not move. I waddle. I really wish the baby would just schedule the arrival and send me an invite. It's not that I need to be in charge of when this happens, it's more that I'd like the security of knowing it will someday happen. I guess regardless, there will be a baby here in no longer than 3 weeks. I don't even want to know how I'll feel at 40 weeks and a day.

I'm as ready as I'll ever be for baby to show up, so please consider doing so shortly!

Neighbourhood Review: Craft Dogs

Best hotdogs ever.

Craft Dogs makes their hotdogs on site in small batches and it shows. They have a pretty small menu, but they do what they do well. That's the way a restaurant should be. The atmosphere is always friendly and the staff are pretty funny. They sing and dance and are happy to tell you about their product.

I ordered an original hot dog, which is made of local beef and pork and is absolutely huge. You can get any number of delicious toppings on it. I also got the fries and peach ginge rale. They make the fries and even the pop there too! It's amazing. The only thing better would have to be a local beer, but I guess I have to wait for that (due in 10 days!).

Naked Dog with fancy mustard, smoked tomato ketchup, and a pickle

Chicago Shout-Out

It was so good, it didn't even give me heartburn - which at 38 weeks pregnant is a feat for any food. I love this place and I'm lucky it's a few blocks away from our house.

Product Review: Olliffe Butcher Shop Leslieville Bone-in Ribeye

While exploring a little bit of Leslieville this Sunday, we made the last minute decision to check out Olliffe Butcher Shop before catching our streetcar back west of the Don Valley. I went in and announced to the butcher that I never cook steak because all I have is a cast iron pan and no grill and stood there, challenging him to sell me on some meat. I told him that the biggest reason I don't even try is because I don't want to spend good money on meat that I can't cook to its full potential.

This guy was very charismatic and told us about a time when he thought that way. Then he said that ribeye was a great steak to cook in a pan and that a chef he once knew in a fancy-pants restaurant actually said a cast iron pan was the preferred method of cooking bone-in ribeye. He walked me through exactly how to cook it:

1. Heat a cast iron pan up for about 20 minutes on medium-high heat. Preheat the oven to 350.

2. Sear the steak on both sides after the pan has heated up.

3. In a separate vessel, place the steak in the oven for 15-20 minutes per pound.

4. Cut the bone off to check how done it is and then let it rest for 10 minutes. 

I cooked my 1.8 pound bone-in ribeye for about 32 minutes and then cut the bone off. It was cooked about medium. I wish I had checked it earlier, but my initial fears that I had overcooked it were unfounded. The flavour was phenomenal and the texture was soft and wonderful. Nothing like any steak I've ever cooked at home before.

I paired the steak with seared zucchini and mushrooms and garlic mashed potatoes. What a beautiful Sunday night dinner.
 

36 Weeks Pregnant!

Every day it gets harder to move. All I can think about is getting the baby out safely and finally getting to meet him or her! So I've been reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and drinking raspberry leaf tea.

This is the tea I've been using - mostly because it seems to be the only brand readily available in stores near me. It sells for $4.99 for a box of 20 at the Bulk Barn at Front and George. This is the lowest price I've seen, with The Big Carrot selling it for around $6 and even one store in the basement of the St. Lawrence Market selling it for $8. This price adds up when you consider the recommended dosage for third trimester is a litre a day (4 bags), so at the lowest price this tea is costing me $1/day.

It's become part of my nightly ritual to make the tea for the next day (because it's summer and there's no way I'm drinking hot tea).

Because the tea is used medicinally to strengthen and stimulate the uterus, it is steeped for at least 15 minutes with 1 bag per cup.

By the morning it's ready to drink. It tastes a lot like green tea. I actually really like the flavour and will likely keep it around after pregnancy for drinking occasionally. It's supposed to help with menstrual cramps as well.

I am so excited for Tuesday - I will be 37 weeks and the baby will be full term! I'm planning to start nightly reflections on the labour process and the birth at that point. I want to be able to visualize a calm and effective labour for the baby and I. Ina May Gaskin believes that a natural labour and birth has a lot to do with attitude and positive thinking and that's what I'm setting myself up for. I don't actually know any women personally who have had a natural childbirth so it's not culturally normal for me, though it is how I hope the labour and delivery will be. The stories of childbirth in Ina May's book have been very helpful to read as they repeat over and over different scenarios in which women are able to let their bodies do what they were built for and give birth. It's very inspiring and I am very much looking forward to my labour.

Product Review: Ella's Botanicals Lavender Bubblemania

Bubblemania

Ella's Botanicals has been one of my favourite Toronto companies for a few years. It all started when I became addicted to the chai latte soap...but that's another story. I thought it couldn't get better, but then Ella announced that she was refocusing her line because she had found that in order to continue with the large distribution channels she was working with, the quality had gone down from the original product. In a very bold move, she decided to get away from distributors and force retailers to buy directly from her. This raised the cost of the product, but also the quality of the ingredients. You can read more about this here.

I was looking for a bubble bath with no SLS and other nasties. Problem is, those nasties are what make soap foam. This bubble bath produces a soft, fine foam when you run it in the bath. I find I can get quite a few uses from this bottle, though I didn't exactly count last time. I'd say at least 10 adult baths, which is good considering it retails for $18 on the Ella's Botanicals website. If you follow the company on facebook or twitter though, you'll find there are regular sales. It is also a little less expensive where I got mine at the Big Carrot for around $15. It's from the baby line, so if you're using it for a baby (and it can be used as a body wash and shampoo as well) then it would probably last even longer. I do intend on using it with my baby, but let's not pretend the adults in this house don't like bubbles.

The scent is a pretty strong lavender smell that comes from using lavender essential oil. The only thing I would change about this product is that I would like to see an unscented version available. It's not going to foam up like the bubbles I had as a kid, but my baby won't know what Johnson and Johnson even is, so it likely won't matter.

Product Review: Dyson Digital Slim Multi Floor Vacuum DC 35

A good vacuum is a must-have for anyone with pets and floors. But vacuums aren't that useful if you'll never use them. This is why I got a cordless vacuum from Dyson. I got it a few months ago and I use it almost every day. I love how easy it is and that when you mount the base on the wall, as soon as you dock the vacuum, you're charging it.

My DC 35 mounted in the kitchen

It has about 15 minutes of charge while on normal suction or 6 on max. I've only reached the end of a charge once in my 650 square foot condo. I use it on hardwood floors and it works wonderfully. It is not very good at picking up bigger things like cat kibbles, but it is amazing how well it picks up fur.

I got mine from Futureshop for $349 plus tax. I happened to pick mine up when they were giving away the cordless toolkit for free with purchase (normally $109). The other accessories have come in really handy for vacuuming furniture, but I wouldn't say they're necessary.

Image from futureshop.ca

Overall I am very impressed with this product. I can't speak to the longevity, but for now I would definitely recommend this to anyone who has a small space to vacuum frequently.

Fitting a baby into a 650 square foot condo

There is no nursery when you live in a small space. People are obsessed with nurseries. Honestly, what is even the point when what it really means is you're creating a space away from the rest of the house where you and your baby have to spend time apart from the family? Of course there is always the option of getting this space ready only to never use it.

The extent of our nursery aka corner of our bedroom.

We have a den that is currently empty, but it's at the other end of the unit and I can't imagine sending my baby all the way over there where the sunlight doesn't ever make an appearance. I love that the space is there for later so that we can adapt to the growing needs of our family, but I don't intend on using it for a baby space for as long as possible, hopefully even a couple of years. Considering a wall and a door will cost you an extra $600 or so a month in this city, a den is as close as our child will get to a bedroom for the foreseeable future. Talk about a change from where I grew up in a 4 bedroom house!

I try to keep perspective on space though. If you're going to live downtown in a city, you're not going to have a lot of space for stuff. That just means you have to choose your possessions more carefully and make a regular habit of purging. This makes thrift stores all the more inviting. After all, stuff is transitory in our lives. Easy come, easy go. Once our baby stops using something we have bought or were given, it will be passed on to someone else who can use it. And sorry, future child, most of your crafts will probably have pictures taken of them instead of hoarding them in the basement which we do not have.

Green Baby

One of the ideas for this blog is to create inspiration for ways to incorporate low impact solutions without being overwhelmed. I do plan to cloth diaper, but I have a stash of disposables to start. After all, if I expect myself to perfectly be able to use cloth diapers on an infant when I've never even changed a diaper, aren't I a little crazy? No new mom needs that pressure. I try to live as green as possible but I draw the line when it causes me a great amount of stress. I am one person trying to use less, this does not make me perfect.

When we are stressed, we tend to revert to what we know, and I grew up with a typical north american diet and attitude. This makes Kraft Dinner comforting to me, and that will probably never stop. My goal is to make myself get used to more sustainable foods, products, and practices over time so that they go from making a stressful situation worse to calming my mind with routine during stressful times. My ultimate goal is to raise my child with more of these sustainable and healthy habits so that as they grow up, their default behaviours are less destructive to their bodies and the planet.

So I occasionally will use a lip product that has lead and parabins in it, but most of my makeup collection is free from those kind of chemicals. It's okay to not be perfect, it just means you're human.

Welcome to Old Town

First off, let me start by saying I think the 'Old Town' neighbourhood label seems to be a kind of BIA marketing thing. That being said, it seems to have been needed because where I live doesn't appear to be quite a part of any of the surrounding neighbourhoods like St. Lawrence, Moss Park, or Corktown. Old Town basically encompasses Front to Queen, Parliament to Church. The St. Lawrence BIA has created a community website that outlines the premise of Old Town as a neighbourhood and tourist destination.

If I were to take a guess at the demographics, I would see a lot of young professionals living in the condos that line King Street, Adelaide, and Richmond. But you can't forget the family housing that exists just to the south of Front Street along the Esplanade. A lot of those seem to be co-housing facilities and probably represent the highest concentration of cooperative housing, in the truest sense, in Canada. By this I mean housing that is a mix of incomes, not necessarily subsidized, where people genuinely want to have a sense of community and work with rather than alongside their neighbours. I was surprised to find that the building my husband and I moved in to has a very friendly and community-oriented attitude. What a nice change from living north of Toronto! They even have a facebook group where people communicate with each other daily.

So even though most people don't move into a 650 square foot condo downtown less than 2 months before they have their first child, that is what we did and this is the journey. I feel confident in my neighbourhood and proud to bring a new person into the world here.

2013

Being pregnant is hard. I'm used to things being pretty easy, but this is the hardest thing I've had to do. You can't even quit when it seems hard. And I'm only at 16 weeks!

Definitely the second trimester is going better for me than the first, but who knows what I'm in for in the next 5 months. It's given me comfort to read pregnancy books, forums, and blogs. It's also been really fun to watch youtube videos of both pregnancy vlogs and birth stories.

I'm really excited for this change in our lives. I can't wait to welcome a cute little sweet baby into the world <3

This will be the best spring/summer ever!